"Stoppable force vs Movable object" ahh matchup (Mcdojo guy vs When I see red guy) (0-2-1)

[AppleMaker]

Basically mcdojo guy bragged about being superior cuz he got a black belt 10th dan (from his mcdojo) and then latter got mad and said "when I see red - it's over". Here are the rules:

• Both are 10b and have average human stats overall (except intelligence and stamina, it's below average for both)
• Starting distance is 1 meter
• "When I see red" guy is bloodlusted and don't have any combat experience/skill besides his anger
• Mcdojo guy is taught these "techniques" (except the bear ones)

"I can stop your heart by touching":

"I just see red": 2 (@Mahek_The_Assassin_Silent_Killer); (@Follow_Doctor_Freeman)

Inconclusive: 1 (@BeTheWay1rst)

 

[AppleMaker]

Bump

 

[Mahek_The_Assassin_Silent_Killer]

I know what we should do with Incon for this matchup:
Every MMA fighter and Youtube martial artist + every special ops unit/force and police tactical unit shows up and jails both their asses for being public nuisances and causing a disturbance... after curbstomping both of them and showing them how it's REALLY done.

By the way, I was gonna post this in the chimp thread but it was closed so I'll put it here:

I trade the pipe for a machine gun and ammo. gg ez

I could give you an animal you might lose a match to even with that loadout, MATE. (Depending on how far you are from it and what kind of machine gun and ammo is used though for sure (of course a Gatling gun with anti-materiel cartridges or even possibly at least one well aimed shot with a 55mm caliber gun akin to punt guns or high-calibre big-bore guns (depending on whether you're using shot, flechettes, slugs, etc) in general would be practically overkill to the point of pink/red mist)... and no I'm not Australian.)

Emu - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Emu War - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Emu

The emu is a ratite that also serves as the 2nd tallest extant bird behind the ostrich. The emu is a flightless bird that can reach up to 1.9 meters in height. Adult emus weigh between 18 and 60 kg (40 and 132 lbs), with an average of 31.5 and 37 kg (69 and 82 lbs) in males and females...

vsbattles.fandom.com

(Seriously, they used machine guns (.303 Lewis guns) and the emus still gave them a hard time.)

Lewis gun - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Also, as for this:

"I'll definitely get animal cruelty charges for this" (Me vs Chimpanzee) (0-2-1)

Long story short - some of my opps sent their chimpanzee after me and ran away, I got pissed off so much by that so I took my metal bar and was ready to at least put up a fight against it Rules: Speed is not equalized (could be changed if it's a stomp) Both parties are bloodlusted I have a...

vsbattles.com

Goddamn, baboons and mandrills both have VERY large canines, they're scarier than chimps for sure too, baboons often have to deal with leopards, lions, and hyenas, and the baboons and mandrills both eat antelopes at times.

Baboon - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Mandrill - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

That aside though...

Long story short - some of my opps sent their chimpanzee after me and ran away, I got pissed off so much by that so I took my metal bar and was ready to at least put up a fight against it

Rules:

• Speed is not equalized (could be changed if it's a stomp)
• Both parties are bloodlusted
• I have a metal pipe
• I'm in my 10b key, Chimp have athletic human LS and is male
• Battle takes place in the park near trees and fountain with clear line of sight
• Fountain is 10 meters away
• Starting distance is 7 meters

Guy with a pipe:

Monke: 2 (@Lloydblitzed); (@Oiguana2701)

I got arrested and chimp got sent back to the zoo: 1 (@AppleMaker)

The pipe could probably be fashioned into an ad-hoc spear, and if you had multiple pipes and pressurised air you could even make a multi-shot/multi-barrel airgun/polearm combo, or at least perhaps you could use the single pipe as a blowgun as well, but yeah other than that you have low chances welp. With a metal pipe alone... I think I'd still give it to the chimp. They've waged wars against each other before, so oof. (They could opt for aerial and arboreal strategies as mentioned previously, or they could throw stuff as projectile/ranged weapons at you if there's anything viable like stones/rocks and branches, and heck, they might even use said stones/rocks and branches as hand-to-hand/melee weapons to fight against your pipe.)

Gombe Chimpanzee War - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

(Be glad it was a chimp and not an orangutan...)

The Real World Discussion Thread

Okay, so what is the relevance of it, if not as something for characters to be inside? It's relevant as its one of the strongest structures in the real world

vsbattles.com

Xun Lei Chong - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Lang xian - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Blowgun - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[AppleMaker]

I know what we should do with Incon for this matchup:
Every MMA fighter and Youtube martial artist + every special ops unit/force and police tactical unit shows up and jails both their asses for being public nuisances and causing a disturbance... after curbstomping both of them and showing them how it's REALLY done.

So, you're voting for incon? (also yes, I read the rest of this message)

 

[Mahek_The_Assassin_Silent_Killer]

So, you're voting for incon? (also yes, I read the rest)

Nah, I'm just suggesting a hilariously exaggerated incon scenario/outcome if you wanna add it to the original post (I feel like another option/addition would be letting any VSBW member who has skills in martial arts and weapons usage and whatnot like Primalhunter/ReximusMaximus, Chanimate, myself, etc jump in and hold them down long enough (by either restraining them or just straight up curbstomping them, depending on who prefers whatever method) for the aforementioned group (every MMA fighter and Youtube martial artist + every special ops unit/force and police tactical unit) to show up and jail both their asses for being public nuisances and causing a disturbance)

I feel like the "when I see red it's over" person might be more likely to win this given that they're bloodlusted but I need to clarify if the mcdojo person ONLY knows the bullshido techniques or if they know any other martial arts stuff from the mcdojo...
Though even then it'd be extremely hard to stop a person hellbent on trying to end another person's life even if both are unarmed (in this case the mcdojo person trying to stop the "when I see red it's over" person), especially if they (the "when I see red it's over" person) are experiencing acute stress response (fight-flight-freeze-fawn/faint, in this case fight) with the added boosts of stuff like epinephrine/adrenaline and norepinephrine/noradrenaline and the effects of hysterical strength and whatnot, especially if they're in an area where there's plenty of stuff to use as improvised weapons and since both of them should have basic knowledge of human weak points, and the "when I see red it's over" person might be likelier to also use more brutal/crude attacks like biting, gouging, etc.

 

[AppleMaker]

Nah, I'm just suggesting a hilariously exaggerated incon scenario/outcome if you wanna add it to the original post (I feel like another option/addition would be letting any VSBW member who has skills in martial arts and weapons usage and whatnot like Primalhunter/ReximusMaximus, Chanimate, myself, etc jump in and hold them down long enough (by either restraining them or just straight up curbstomping them, depending on who prefers whatever method) for the aforementioned group (every MMA fighter and Youtube martial artist + every special ops unit/force and police tactical unit) to show up and jail both their asses for being public nuisances and causing a disturbance)

Good suggestion, even though it's kinda over the top for me tbh

I feel like the "when I see red it's over" person might be more likely to win this given that they're bloodlusted but I need to clarify if the mcdojo person ONLY knows the bullshido techniques or if they know any other martial arts stuff from the mcdojo...
Though even then it'd be extremely hard to stop a person hellbent on trying to end another person's life even if both are unarmed (in this case the mcdojo person trying to stop the "when I see red it's over" person), especially if they (the "when I see red it's over" person) are experiencing acute stress response (fight-flight-freeze-fawn/faint, in this case fight) with the added boosts of stuff like epinephrine/adrenaline and norepinephrine/noradrenaline and the effects of hysterical strength and whatnot, especially if they're in an area where there's plenty of stuff to use as improvised weapons and since both of them should have basic knowledge of human weak points, and the "when I see red it's over" person might be likelier to also use more brutal/crude attacks like biting, gouging, etc.

Okay, counted, also to clarify - they are both incompetent as much as possible, mcdojo guy know ONLY bullshido moves, so no - he doesn't have any good ones, maybe just a little bit more agile overall. For mcdojo guy the main wincon is to win due to See red guy's exhaustion, since he would most likely waste way more stamina than mcdojo guy

 

[BeTheWay1rst]

Voting incon since both of them will just KO themselves with how much high on adrenaline they will be coupled with their bellow average stamina.

 

[AppleMaker]

Voting incon since both of them will just KO themselves with how much high on adrenaline they will be coupled with their bellow average stamina.

Counted

 

[Follow_Doctor_Freeman]

Those videos in the OP are some of the best laffs I've had in a week. Thank you. This was fun to overthink; really, it's obvious who wins, but let's try this as if we're looking at sets of abilities.

I'm assuming that both fighters have identical physicality/builds, that I See Red guy flails his arms like Bart Simpson or with heaving hooks, and that those videos are all the McDojo guy knows. Being more generous than a Steam sale, one could say McD does have some moves that aren't just theater-kid gestures: leg-checks and back-elbows in the first video & jabs and hook-kicks (?) in the second video & arm-grabs and cross-uppercuts in the third. I'm assuming that the FORM of these is no better than in the videos, though; there is about as much concentrated and sustained force as a tossed wet spaghetti noodle here, to say nothing of defensive posture.

If the form was good, then maybe one of those moves could work with Matrix reaction time to graze and counter a missed hook from Red, again being generous in assuming McD sets up a half -- eh, quarter-decent counterattack and doesn't leave himself wide open by trying some flowery dance first. But even with good form, most of those are vulnerably reactive and have terrible reach. They can't really follow-up even if a hit does land, so Red guy can just swing his other arm after the first one smacks or even whiffs its target. The only way I could see McD winning is if he luckily Tom-&-Jerry matadors with a leg-check that trips Red or an elbow that breaks Red's nose to the point of essentially OHKOing him. But McD might arrogantly or panickily go for one of his many many completely useless dance moves & is unlikely to time the parry or position himself correctly besides.

Icy Red guy wins a majority of times by virtue of drunken arm swinging having better range, force, and even combo potential than McD's repertoire, which huddles to itself as if it's afraid to give an order to the barista with a nose ring. In other words, he takes the initiative and doesn't constrain himself, even if that could be thrown off-balance by an actually skilled fighter. But even those are known to slip up & take dire hits in street fights, and McDojo guy is not a skilled fighter.

Funniest scenario: McD somehow performs the arm-grab QTE and even sprains Red despite the bad form in the video, but he has no clue how to follow-up, just crouching awkwardly or maybe prancing to try to get into position for one of the aforementioned moves -- I don't think even the cross-uppercut would be easy to pull off with how far away the arm-grabber in the third video is from his attacker -- until Red hits him with the other arm, tumbles on top, and after some uncomfortably intimate Twister fumbling does monkey fist pounds on McD's face as the latter has as much of a notion of defending himself on the ground as a sea cucumber has a notion of performing advanced fighter-jet maneuvers.

 

[AppleMaker]

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[AppleMaker]

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[AppleMaker]

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