The Ultimate Human Battle Royale (1-1-0-0-1-0-8-0-1)

[AppleMaker]

I collected various humans from jokes battles wiki and one from VSBW, here are they

• Pepsi-drinking man
• Human with glass bottle
• Downplayed composite human
• Human with Miku cosplay
• Human with pizza cutter
• Human with knife
• Human with pogo stick
• Average human

Let's see who will come out victorious. Here are the rules:

• Speed is not equalized
• Pepsi Drinker have high end stats, all equipment and 3 hours of prep time
• Human with bottle is drunk and have 1 hour of prep time
• Downplayed composite human have genius intelligence
• Human with Miku cosplay is 10-A in all stats with average intelligence
• Human with pizza cutter is 9-C and have 2 hours of prep time
• Human with knife have Peak human throwing speed
• Human with pogo stick have all equipment
• Average human have 1 day of prep time and full prior knowledge on everyone else
• Battle takes place in a skatepark in the middle of an empty desert made of concrete
• Everyone is 10 meters away from each other
• That's a free for all battle

	PEPSI (HU)MAN!!	1 (@Fezzih_007)
	"Thouse oponends ain't shied"	1 (@Oiguana2701)
	"I am a genius"
	"I'll sing! I'll sing with all my might!"
	"PIZZAA!!"	1 (@Darkmon_cns)
	"It was so easy to Jeff the kill y'all"
	The best Happy wheels character	8 (@AppleMaker); (@Lloydblitzed); (@Bearat_Fearat); (@Alexander); (@Rex_Eckles); (@Ztesrxgdfjcvgkbh); (@noninho); (@KingOfDarknessBelow)
	"Discombobulate"
	Battle royale turned into battle piano (inconclusive)	1 (@EnderLord8)

 

[AppleMaker]

Might change some prep time to give better chance for those who got unlucky with their stats/weapons

 

[Oiguana2701]

I will try to comment on this tomorrow

 

[Ztesrxgdfjcvgkbh]

Following

 

[Lloydblitzed]

Either Miku charms them all, or Knife guy slays them all, since he should be more skilled than everyone here

 

[AppleMaker]

Either Miku charms them all, or Knife guy slays them all, since he should be more skilled than everyone here

Pretty sure skill goes to Downplayed composite human or to pogo stick human (because of the tricks)

 

[AppleMaker]

Also don't underestimate Pepsi-drinking man, he's basically a speedster and have highest stamina out of all, pretty sure he's very likely to end up in top 3 or even win

 

[Oiguana2701]

There's three guys that stand out, those being the guy with the glass bottle, the guy with the knife and the guy with the pogo stick. The other ones may have abilities and skills, but would likely simply get either knocked out or stabbed to death by those three fighters. Between those three, I think the first one to lose is the pogo stick guy, as he would probably not be able to use their weapon as easily. The final battle is difficult for me to imagine, as while the guy with the knife is obviously more naturally dangerous, a guy with a glass bottle can do a lot of damage if they use it correctly. Personally, the glass bottle guy can do a lot more damage than a knife usually, and even someone with a football helmet could suffer concussions from a hit. You guys should probably watch this MythBusters video.
Glass bottle guy FRA.

 

[AppleMaker]

I'm giving it to pogo stick guy. First of all - he have the best blunt force out of everyone, since pogo stick is like a heavier metal bat that can lunch you in the air as well, if he jumps on anyone - it's basically over for them (maybe except Miku and Downplayed CH because of 10-A dura)

I think either Miku or Average human or going down first, because Miku could get targeted (not because of the hatred for cosplayers, but because it have some weak spots and attracts way too much attention) and average human, well, he have nothing on him except prep time and knowledge, his stats are fodderish in comparison to others, but he might camp somewhere and get somewhat close to the finals. Still, DCH most likely figures that out or pogo stick guy finds him with his high jumps and just airstrikes him with jt. Guy with knife is either getting jumped by Downplayed CH, guy with bottle and average guy, or he gets to the finals, but since he might throw his knife - he would lose it for some time, while pogo stick guy always have pogo stick on his side, not to mention that pogo stick guy's equipment might get in the way

Bottle guy is most likely going down right after them, he won't get targeted, but he would be clumsy and shaky, his punches could be easily avoided by Downplayed CH and Pepsi drinker, prep time is the only thing that could give him the edge over previous opponents and maybe Downplayed CH

Pizza cutter is going down next, he would just throw pizza at those he can reach, but he can't match knife guy or pogo stick guy, and Miku with Pepsi drinker could avoid his attacks due to higher speed. Even then he have some decent piercing damage, most likely he would take down Bottle guy or Average human

Downplayed Composite Human is tricky, he's a genius, but I don't think he would last long against Pepsi drinker, since he's faster, could dodge any attack he would throw at him and have inhuman amounts of stamina. He's either gonna strategically jump those who he deems "weak spot", or constantly hide all the time, until he encounters Pepsi drinker/Pogo stick guy/Knife guy

Pepsi drinker is definitely going to end up in finals, due to his prep time, abilities and speed, also he can do the same things Pizza cutter could do (throw food at your face and buy himself some time), but he have no way to put down someone with weapons and have to hope that he wears them down and then just blitzes them with punches

Pogo stick guy wins more often than not IMO, due to fact that not only he have the best blunt weapon, but he's also have decent armor and can jump somewhat high and airstrike those who won't expect them. Also he can't lose his weapon at any time, unlike bottle guy and knife guy

 

[Lloydblitzed]

Can't Pepsiman BFR + Danmaku all of then anyways?

 

[Oiguana2701]

Can't Pepsiman BFR + Danmaku all of then anyways?

That's not something that someone who has some Pepsi can do, even in the game.

 

[AppleMaker]

Can't Pepsiman BFR + Danmaku all of then anyways?

Pepsi drinker have Real world Pepsi, not Normal. Basically the best he can do with those cans is destroy his opponent's ear drums (if they paly music loud enough)/use them as decoy, make really thin blades out of cans or straight up throw them

 

[AppleMaker]

Personally, the glass bottle guy can do a lot more damage than a knife usually, and even someone with a football helmet could suffer concussions from a hit. You guys should probably watch this MythBusters video.
Glass bottle guy FRA.

Also, shouldn't the Pogo stick guy's helmet crack/break? Since biking helmets (which are also used for many other active vehicles, like skateboards, scooters, roller skates and etc) are most of the time designed to break under some pressure/impacts to lower the chances of concussion/brain damage

 

[Darkmon_cns]

Haven't looked at the profile but I have to guess average human?

 

[AppleMaker]

Haven't looked at the profile but I have to guess average human?

Basically most of them are average humans, but with weapons and equipment. Pepsi drinker have some abilities and superhuman speed/stamina though, Downplayed composite human is 10-A in ap, Above Average LS and Genius intelligence, Miku is 10-A in all stats with average intelligence, guy with bottle have Athletic stamina and below average intelligence (he's drunk) and etc. So, look at profiles anyways

 

[Lloydblitzed]

Pogo dude FRA

 

[Darkmon_cns]

Glass bottle really only had a few hits in it before it shatters to uselessness and the others could grab the shards from the ground to fight.

Pogo stick may be the strongest but his balance is bad and if he's knocked down bis stick can be rendered useless.

I go for pizza cutter because there weapon isn't able to be easily rendered useless and can still be deadly assuming it's sharp enough. Tho with the glass shards from the bottle it could be anyone's game if they get a hold of a big enough shard. But I think just with there defult kits pizza cutter has the best chance

Edit: o one of them literally has a knife, still in such a close fight I think the pizza cutter has the edge because the others will think the knife is a larger threat and go for him

 

[Fezzih_007]

Doesn't Pepsiman have better stamina than everyone here? I think he can outstast anyone here to cluthc a Win. Hit and Run tactics should work.

 

[Darkmon_cns]

Doesn't Pepsiman have better stamina than everyone here? I think he can outstast anyone here to cluthc a Win. Hit and Run tactics should work.

This is a scate park, this gives composite human time to grave some scates to use as a weapon as there should be some around, as well he could wear them to get a speed advantage and negate his stamina advantage due to wheels

 

[AppleMaker]

Doesn't Pepsiman have better stamina than everyone here?

Yes

 

[EnderLord8]

Dude, Pepsi Drinker, Human with Pizza Cutter, and Average Human have a generous advantage in terms of prep time; all they need to improve their chances is to get better equipment, like a protective suit or even a pointed stick, which would be a huge advantage.

 

[Darkmon_cns]

Dude, Pepsi Drinker, Human with Pizza Cutter, and Average Human have a generous advantage in terms of prep time; all they need to improve their chances is to get better equipment, like a protective suit or even a pointed stick, which would be a huge advantage.

True... average human could just for example, bring scates to the scate park instead of needing to find them there

 

[Darkmon_cns]

Dude, Pepsi Drinker, Human with Pizza Cutter, and Average Human have a generous advantage in terms of prep time; all they need to improve their chances is to get better equipment, like a protective suit or even a pointed stick, which would be a huge advantage.

Do you think pizza cutter has time to think of bringing skates as well?

 

[AppleMaker]

This is a scate park, this gives composite human time to grave some scates to use as a weapon as there should be some around, as well he could wear them to get a speed advantage and negate his stamina advantage due to wheels

Well, no, nobody have brought anything outside their equipment. Basically there just fighting in the skatepark area with nothing else except some ramps, bowl/pool ramps, flatbars and what not

Dude, Pepsi Drinker, Human with Pizza Cutter, and Average Human have a generous advantage in terms of prep time; all they need to improve their chances is to get better equipment, like a protective suit or even a pointed stick, which would be a huge advantage.

They can't get weapons/equipment outside those they have on their profile. That's why I gave them prep time in the first place - it's for them to plan their strategy with their own equipment, not to get some op weaponry and just neg diff everyone

 

[EnderLord8]

Well, no, nobody have brought anything outside their equipment. Basically there just fighting in the skatepark area with nothing else except some ramps, bowl/pool ramps, flatbars and what not

They can't get weapons/equipment outside those they have on their profile. That's why I gave them prep time in the first place - it's for them to plan their strategy with their own equipment, not to get some op weaponry and just neg diff everyone

I mean, they're human, and using tools they can acquire during preparation time is part of a human's standard abilities. You can limit their use of higher-tier items, but you can't stop them from using improvised tools.

 

[Darkmon_cns]

Well, no, nobody have brought anything outside their equipment. Basically there just fighting in the skatepark area with nothing else except some ramps, bowl/pool ramps, flatbars and what not

Idk man you made the arena a skate park, there are probably some skates scouting around and looking at and memorizing the arena if it's fesable for them to get there during prep is definitely part of prep, even if they can't take stuff with them, they should probably be able to grave stuff st the park (like say throwing a trash can at someone)

But if we are just looking at there own equipment, I still go for pizza cutter.

 

[AppleMaker]

I mean, they're human, and using tools they can acquire during preparation time is part of a human's standard abilities. You can limit their use of higher-tier items, but you can't stop them from using improvised tools.

This was brought up in Human with pizza cutter vs Braixen match
Basically most of voters thought Human with pizza cutter is going to win because he will abandon his pizza cutter and get a gun instead with 1-2 hours of prep time. To which VeneficaAuthor (FC/OC staff btw) replied:

Yeah, I don't think so. You can't give characters stuff that isn't listed on the profile. Even with prep time that's pretty nebulous, and no normal human is getting a whole flamethrower with one hours prep. Nor would they even get a gun, considering the necessary background checks most places have. As Rayfire said, it's a lot of assumption.

Pizza Cutter dude is basically an average human. Think about it, what method would you employ to get either a gun or flamethrower in just 60 minutes?

Furthermore, about that prep time... no. The profile verbatim states "Usually before the usage of their Pizza Cutter, they prepare their desired food, before then using their Pizza Cutter on it" which means it is something which pertains SOLELY to cooking. Can't really tell what the logic behind what this battle has been so far. It almost feels like pizza cutter is being played up just because it's funny. The fact that it was added to the profiles despite everything certainly evokes some feelings about it.


All that said, I've looked over both profiles and believe that Braxien wins here. She has fire and pure skill on the human, and cooking prep isn't going to help with any of it. I'm voting Braxien FRA.

 

[Darkmon_cns]

This was brought up in Human with pizza cutter vs Braixen match
Basically most of voters thought Human with pizza cutter is going to win because he will abandon his pizza cutter and get a gun instead with 1-2 hours of prep time. To which VeneficaAuthor (FC/OC staff btw) replied:

Well ok, but that's about it not being fesable to get that stuff, graving a pair of rollerscates or sharpening a stick a bit is well possible within 24 hours

That being said realistically turning a normal stick into a weapon takes a very long time and isn't easy, the best he could do is used a particularly large stick as a way to keep distance from the other which is a nice advantage I think and could counter the hit and ran strategy of the pesi man, but ultimately they need to pit the stick down to do any meaningful damage and they could damage the stick over time until it is useless

I think the skates are by far the more useful item.

 

[AppleMaker]

But if we are just looking at there own equipment, I still go for pizza cutter.

That's the point. It's about who will utilize their equipment better, but I guess it's ok for them to utilize the stuff they find in the skatepark (except, ironically skateboards, since it's not part of anyone's equipment and would give way too much advantage). Skatepark was chosen because it have some interesting obstacles and hiding spots + it have a solid ground, so people like Human with Pogo stick won't be severely nerfed

 

[Bearat_Fearat]

Honestly, I'm gonna have to go with my goat HUUUUUUAAAAAGHH! (Human with Pogostick) He can gain a ton of height and just dodge the attacks with the stick and also use it to hit people with the pogo stick.

 

[Darkmon_cns]

My vision of the fight

Drunken even well drunk sees the man with the knife as the biggest threat;

The knife man gose to slice him, but the drunkenness lets him go through the pain and instantly kill the knife man with one swing, but hit bottle is also mostly shattered, Pepsi man and the composit humans step away understanding that he'll be less dangerous once he kills someone else- cosply miku trys to shatter the bottole in his hand by hitting it with her Mike, unfortunately it wasn't enough to shatter it, and he retaliates with a blow to the head, killing another. At this point the bottole all shards on the ground.

Pogo stick man gose to kill him now that his weapon is used up, he dose so but composit human takes the change to knock pogo stick man down and whale on him in his shock getting his pogo stick away from him,

Meanwhile pesiman started harassing pizza cutter as he sees him as the next biggest threat, he may be quick but they still exchange blows when hits are made and one of them had a sharp edge, Pepsi man eventually changes targets to downplayed composite human.

Eventually the composite human makes use of his initial advantage and wins his death brawl with pogo stick man, leaving behind only pizza cutter, downplayed composite human, composite human, and Pepsi man.

Composite human trys to hanf back but pizza cutter approaches him intent on picking him off, well he trys to stall he's too tired from the brawl and dies to pizza cutter.

Downplayed composite human is doing his best but Pepsi man's fee advantages are causing hims issues. Well there both distracted pizza cutter slices at the back of Pepsi man's neck killing him, and wins the insuring brawl with the downplayed composite human.

 

[AppleMaker]

Honestly, I'm gonna have to go with my goat HUUUUUUAAAAAGHH! (Human with Pogostick) He can gain a ton of height and just dodge the attacks with the stick and also use it to hit people with the pogo stick.

Currently the highest pogo stick jump is 3,53 meters

 

[EnderLord8]

Damn, I wasn't saying he'd get a ******* flamethrower, man, although that's from another match. An average human in an hour would pick up simple items to use as weapons, like a rock, maybe something kind of hard from the trash, a piece of wood, maybe a piece of glass. As far as I know, skate parks are in cities, and cities have many potentially useful random items to use. If the city is empty, it would be even easier.

 

[Darkmon_cns]

Honestly, I'm gonna have to go with my goat HUUUUUUAAAAAGHH! (Human with Pogostick) He can gain a ton of height and just dodge the attacks with the stick and also use it to hit people with the pogo stick.

But dude all you need to knock him down is good timing and for him not to be focused on you, in a all for all bawl like this many characters will have that chance, and being knocked down is a disadvantage he likly won't recover from, someone will at least kick away his pogo stick

 

[AppleMaker]

Damn, I wasn't saying he'd get a ******* flamethrower, man, although that's from another match. An average human in an hour would pick up simple items to use as weapons, like a rock, maybe something kind of hard from the trash, a piece of wood, maybe a piece of glass. As far as I know, skate parks are in cities, and cities have many potentially useful random items to use. If the city is empty, it would be even easier.

Well, the point was, that they can't bring some household stuff outside their equipment on profiles. But I'll allow them to use stuff they could find in the skatepark

 

[AppleMaker]

Doesn't Pepsiman have better stamina than everyone here? I think he can outstast anyone here to cluthc a Win. Hit and Run tactics should work.

Btw, count your vote for Pepsi drinker?

 

[EnderLord8]

Well, the point was, that they can't bring some household stuff outside their equipment on profiles. But I'll allow them to use stuff they could find in the skatepark

My point is that using tools for fighting is part of human nature; it's literally in human instinct. It's like that meme about boxers being frauds without their hands. If you want to stop them from using tools, make the battlefield a skate park in the middle of an empty desert, or a floating skate park or something like that. Then you wouldn't have to worry about them using external tools. Otherwise, it would be like restricting a basic human ability.

 

[Fezzih_007]

Btw, count your vote for Pepsi drinker?

I mean yeah, I think If he plays safe his stamina would help him Win this.

 

[AppleMaker]

My point is that using tools for fighting is part of human nature; it's literally in human instinct. It's like that meme about boxers being frauds without their hands. If you want to stop them from using tools, make the battlefield a skate park in the middle of an empty desert, or a floating skate park or something like that. Then you wouldn't have to worry about them using external tools. Otherwise, it would be like restricting a basic human ability.

And it's done (we don't need more than 1 human with knife)

Battle takes place in a skatepark in the middle of an empty desert made of concrete

 

[EnderLord8]

Well, now the only way for any of them to get a decent weapon is by using what's on the skate park, a human's lost weapon that they dropped during combat, or using the body of a dead human as a shield/weapon.