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These debates make me laugh.
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Voldemort VS Featherine Augustus Aurora
- Thread starter Hat_mchat
- Start date
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JK Rowling disproves that by saying he breathes through his buttTISSG7Redgrave said:
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Love this site
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Voldemort says Avada Kedavra & one shots Featherine.
But the true Featherine from an even higher layer of existence watching him one shot a 10-B version of her. Then she kills him.
I know I just repeated the scene of Bernkastel vs Willard. It's fun.
But the true Featherine from an even higher layer of existence watching him one shot a 10-B version of her. Then she kills him.
I know I just repeated the scene of Bernkastel vs Willard. It's fun.
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Normally, this would be a horrible stomp. But Voldemort has one power that not even Featherine could deal with. And that, is the power of an author who likes to rewrite stuff! All we need to do, is ask J.K. Rowling to throw our boy Voldy a few retcons, and boom, easy win. Voldemort was actually a tier 0 being, and the Voldemort we saw was actually a fake one who has no nose(his nose is tier 0). If that still don't work, we get Rowling to buy the rights to Featherine's character, and then retcon her and her verse to oblivion! Not even The One Above All is safe from retcons. He ended up with a second tiering, so we can say that tier 0 Voldemort is confirmed better than TOAA that isn't tier 0.
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@Hat Mchat you should add Joke Battles Wiki in the tags of this thread tbh.
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Featherine stops the story and takes Rowling's place as author, and then writes "Voldemort is gay"
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I realized that this epic match between titans requires a more complete story.
Featherine stops the story and takes Rowling's place as author, and then writes "Voldemort is gay". Immediately afterwards, Featherine sees the potential a gay Voldemort redemption story has, and begins writing it immediately. In this timeline, Tom Riddle, tormented by his own sexuality and bigotry, is able to become a better person after years of therapy and hard work, but not before he creates all of his horcruxes and makes the world a much worse place as Voldemort. However, secure in his new sexuality, Tom redeems himself over the course of 8 new Harry Potter episodes, becoming one of the world's greatest heroes.
Drawn to the fragment by her boredom, Bernkastel interrupts Featherine at the end of her story by taking away her memory device, sending her into a deep coma. Then, because magic is fake as shit and is only believed by idiot little babies, she sends her self-insert, Furudo Erika, into the Harry Potter world with the objective of ruining everything for everyone. Erika handily succeeds in this, crushing every single witch, wizard, and magical creature. She proves that its fakeness was not just a lie coughed up from a dark magician's spurious asshole. She disproves fairies, proves that dragons are bullshit, crushes those who faithfully believe in the giggles of all the cherubs in heaven and the metric tonnes of special stardust they consume each day to fuel their laughter. Even with the conviction of a million frothing zealots, no one can stand up to her assault. Not even Rufio, who is tragically killed by his arch-nemesis, Captain Hook.
Tragically killed in action, Tom Riddle goes onto his eternal reward - that is, being a bloody, broken fetus suffering forever in Limbo because of his Horcruxes. The story then is derailed horribly and comes to a screeching halt as Lambdadelta, who was reading along excitedly, gets into a fight with Bernkastel over this development, finding it not only boring, but insulting to the reader, who would've seen Tom grow so much. Their fight goes on for approximately a century, and eventually devolves into them making out. 10 minutes into their makeout, they realize that they've been fighting and kissing in front of a still comatose Featherine. They elope immediately afterwards, abandoning both Erika and Featherine.
During their honeymoon, Bernkastel and Lambdadelta, earlier fight forgotten, compete by writing steadily worse Harry Potter fanfiction. This culminates in their mutual masterpiece, My Immortal, which they let fly free into the real world. The manuscript is discovered in a bottle by Rosa Ushiromiya, during the summer of 1985. Amazed by the stunning quality of the writing, she reads it as a bedtime story to her daughter, Maria, passing it off as her own work. Maria is also amazed by the stunning quality of the writing, and dreams of following in her mother's footsteps by writing her own Harry Potter fanfiction, in a decade in which Harry Potter does not yet exist. Tragically, they both die the next year, and J.K. Rowling writes and releases the Harry Potter books beginning in 1997.
Abandoned in the Harry Potter fragment, in which magic no longer exists, Erika spirals into increasingly destructive behavior. She confronts the Game Master and Territory Lord of the Harry Potter fragments, J.K. Rowling, the Witch of Ruining Childhood Nostalgia, and over the course of 8 more grueling Harry Potter episodes, completely destroys her and all her fragments, conclusively proving that magic is bullshit. Only one being survives the destruction of the fragments - Tom Riddle's broken fetus. He washes up in an ordinary fragment, in a 7-11 bathroom, and is discovered lying on the floor by the night janitor, who nurses him back to health and raises him as her own child. He goes onto live a happy life, much to Lambdadelta's delight. Despite this and her efforts to impress Bernkastel, Erika remains abandoned and does not see her master for another century.
Knowing of the original 1985 My Immortal transcript, Kotobuki Yukari publishes it on ffnet, and ultimately takes J.K. Rowling to court for plagiarizing Rosa Ushiromiya's amazing original fiction. Over the course of an 8-year trial, J.K. Rowling is found guilty. She loses everything she owns, is driven bankrupt, rendered destitute and helpless. Shortly afterwards, she goes missing, sparking a worldwide mystery as to her disappearance. This mystery is similar to the earlier Rokkenjima craze, and involves many people writing original fiction theorizing as to what happened to J.K. Rowling, with many involved in the Rokkenjima craze joining this as well. One story in particular, written by Furude Rika, theorizes that J.K. Rowling was assassinated by the Irish Republican Army over the offensive Irish caricature Seamus Finnegan. 100 years later, this theory, known as Irish Republican Army-trice, or IRAtrice, is found to be the single truth. J.K. Rowling suffers her second death as a result, simultaneously dying in both the real and meta worlds, her final mystery destroyed.
During Featherine's coma, one of her other works, Homestuck, is abandoned as well. Left with no other choice but write it himself, her piece, Andrew Hussie, does his best, but quickly spirals into insanity and derails the story completely before being killed in turn by one of his own pieces. The resulting story drags on for years, including many gaps in which the half-dead Hussie is distracted by playing Metal Gear Solid, harassing his own pieces, and being gunned down by by them in return. The story is ultimately only resolved by, well, ending it, putting an end to the main antagonist because now, no one can read him doing anything. His lifee's work complete, a dying Hussie, in his final moments, whispers, "Rufio". Erika stops by on her way back to Featherine's study and puts him out of his misery before finding Featherine's predicament.
There, in the study in which Featherine wrote her Harry Potter fixfic, Erika returns her memory device to her head. Immediately afterwards, Featherine continues writing Harry Potter fanfiction, this time writing Dumbledore's Army and the Year of Darkness, followed by its sequel, Sluagh. These fics are celebrated worldwide as the greatest Harry Potter fanfiction ever written, and help Northern Ireland escape the United Kingdom during the Brexit crisis, leading to a united Ireland. The United Kingdom collapses shortly afterwards due to political and financial pressure in the wake of Brexit. During this time, a secret council is made to continue the Harry Potter franchise - Hachijo Tohya, Furude Rika, Houjou Satoko, and Kotobuki Yukari come together and canonize the Dumbledore's Army franchise. Kotobuki and Tohya, reunited early thanks to the heroic sacrifice of gay Voldemort, both achieve closure and happiness much earlier in their lives.
Erika returns to Bernkastel's side, only to find that Bernkastel hadn't noticed she was missing. She is quickly sent off to destroy more Harry Potter fanfiction, and during this time she kills meta J.K. Rowling, brought to an unholy merger of life and death by the unnatural, undying Harry Potter universe created by the secret council, for a third and final time. Harry Potter is quickly forgotten in history, supplanted by Harry the Potato and Sakutarou's Grand Adventure, or whatever it was called. J.K. Rowling rots in an unmarked grave, and Featherine goes back to sleep.
Featherine stops the story and takes Rowling's place as author, and then writes "Voldemort is gay". Immediately afterwards, Featherine sees the potential a gay Voldemort redemption story has, and begins writing it immediately. In this timeline, Tom Riddle, tormented by his own sexuality and bigotry, is able to become a better person after years of therapy and hard work, but not before he creates all of his horcruxes and makes the world a much worse place as Voldemort. However, secure in his new sexuality, Tom redeems himself over the course of 8 new Harry Potter episodes, becoming one of the world's greatest heroes.
Drawn to the fragment by her boredom, Bernkastel interrupts Featherine at the end of her story by taking away her memory device, sending her into a deep coma. Then, because magic is fake as shit and is only believed by idiot little babies, she sends her self-insert, Furudo Erika, into the Harry Potter world with the objective of ruining everything for everyone. Erika handily succeeds in this, crushing every single witch, wizard, and magical creature. She proves that its fakeness was not just a lie coughed up from a dark magician's spurious asshole. She disproves fairies, proves that dragons are bullshit, crushes those who faithfully believe in the giggles of all the cherubs in heaven and the metric tonnes of special stardust they consume each day to fuel their laughter. Even with the conviction of a million frothing zealots, no one can stand up to her assault. Not even Rufio, who is tragically killed by his arch-nemesis, Captain Hook.
Tragically killed in action, Tom Riddle goes onto his eternal reward - that is, being a bloody, broken fetus suffering forever in Limbo because of his Horcruxes. The story then is derailed horribly and comes to a screeching halt as Lambdadelta, who was reading along excitedly, gets into a fight with Bernkastel over this development, finding it not only boring, but insulting to the reader, who would've seen Tom grow so much. Their fight goes on for approximately a century, and eventually devolves into them making out. 10 minutes into their makeout, they realize that they've been fighting and kissing in front of a still comatose Featherine. They elope immediately afterwards, abandoning both Erika and Featherine.
During their honeymoon, Bernkastel and Lambdadelta, earlier fight forgotten, compete by writing steadily worse Harry Potter fanfiction. This culminates in their mutual masterpiece, My Immortal, which they let fly free into the real world. The manuscript is discovered in a bottle by Rosa Ushiromiya, during the summer of 1985. Amazed by the stunning quality of the writing, she reads it as a bedtime story to her daughter, Maria, passing it off as her own work. Maria is also amazed by the stunning quality of the writing, and dreams of following in her mother's footsteps by writing her own Harry Potter fanfiction, in a decade in which Harry Potter does not yet exist. Tragically, they both die the next year, and J.K. Rowling writes and releases the Harry Potter books beginning in 1997.
Abandoned in the Harry Potter fragment, in which magic no longer exists, Erika spirals into increasingly destructive behavior. She confronts the Game Master and Territory Lord of the Harry Potter fragments, J.K. Rowling, the Witch of Ruining Childhood Nostalgia, and over the course of 8 more grueling Harry Potter episodes, completely destroys her and all her fragments, conclusively proving that magic is bullshit. Only one being survives the destruction of the fragments - Tom Riddle's broken fetus. He washes up in an ordinary fragment, in a 7-11 bathroom, and is discovered lying on the floor by the night janitor, who nurses him back to health and raises him as her own child. He goes onto live a happy life, much to Lambdadelta's delight. Despite this and her efforts to impress Bernkastel, Erika remains abandoned and does not see her master for another century.
Knowing of the original 1985 My Immortal transcript, Kotobuki Yukari publishes it on ffnet, and ultimately takes J.K. Rowling to court for plagiarizing Rosa Ushiromiya's amazing original fiction. Over the course of an 8-year trial, J.K. Rowling is found guilty. She loses everything she owns, is driven bankrupt, rendered destitute and helpless. Shortly afterwards, she goes missing, sparking a worldwide mystery as to her disappearance. This mystery is similar to the earlier Rokkenjima craze, and involves many people writing original fiction theorizing as to what happened to J.K. Rowling, with many involved in the Rokkenjima craze joining this as well. One story in particular, written by Furude Rika, theorizes that J.K. Rowling was assassinated by the Irish Republican Army over the offensive Irish caricature Seamus Finnegan. 100 years later, this theory, known as Irish Republican Army-trice, or IRAtrice, is found to be the single truth. J.K. Rowling suffers her second death as a result, simultaneously dying in both the real and meta worlds, her final mystery destroyed.
During Featherine's coma, one of her other works, Homestuck, is abandoned as well. Left with no other choice but write it himself, her piece, Andrew Hussie, does his best, but quickly spirals into insanity and derails the story completely before being killed in turn by one of his own pieces. The resulting story drags on for years, including many gaps in which the half-dead Hussie is distracted by playing Metal Gear Solid, harassing his own pieces, and being gunned down by by them in return. The story is ultimately only resolved by, well, ending it, putting an end to the main antagonist because now, no one can read him doing anything. His lifee's work complete, a dying Hussie, in his final moments, whispers, "Rufio". Erika stops by on her way back to Featherine's study and puts him out of his misery before finding Featherine's predicament.
There, in the study in which Featherine wrote her Harry Potter fixfic, Erika returns her memory device to her head. Immediately afterwards, Featherine continues writing Harry Potter fanfiction, this time writing Dumbledore's Army and the Year of Darkness, followed by its sequel, Sluagh. These fics are celebrated worldwide as the greatest Harry Potter fanfiction ever written, and help Northern Ireland escape the United Kingdom during the Brexit crisis, leading to a united Ireland. The United Kingdom collapses shortly afterwards due to political and financial pressure in the wake of Brexit. During this time, a secret council is made to continue the Harry Potter franchise - Hachijo Tohya, Furude Rika, Houjou Satoko, and Kotobuki Yukari come together and canonize the Dumbledore's Army franchise. Kotobuki and Tohya, reunited early thanks to the heroic sacrifice of gay Voldemort, both achieve closure and happiness much earlier in their lives.
Erika returns to Bernkastel's side, only to find that Bernkastel hadn't noticed she was missing. She is quickly sent off to destroy more Harry Potter fanfiction, and during this time she kills meta J.K. Rowling, brought to an unholy merger of life and death by the unnatural, undying Harry Potter universe created by the secret council, for a third and final time. Harry Potter is quickly forgotten in history, supplanted by Harry the Potato and Sakutarou's Grand Adventure, or whatever it was called. J.K. Rowling rots in an unmarked grave, and Featherine goes back to sleep.
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Someone had to do it.
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It's also simultaneously the best thing ever written on this wiki
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top keks.exe imma read after i ded from mid terms. WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
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heyPromestein said:
thats mean
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the **** even is this thread?
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I'm dying
Prom once again proves her ultimate worthiness to hold the Beaurecrat position.
Prom once again proves her ultimate worthiness to hold the Beaurecrat position.
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Prom FRA
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The real cal howard said:
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b
u
m
p
u
m
p
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I am the embodiment of pure chaos
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'''Laughs in I don't know what the **** that is'''
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yall i'm pretty sure this is based on a featherine vs hogwarts joke thread on comicvine
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Bump
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